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Week of
1/26/03 I was back in high school, senior year. I was only taking like three classes, but for some reason it took up the whole day. The school was very much like Shawnee as I entered or exited, but very different in the interior, much more like a very modern college academic building. It was the last day of school; finals had ended two days earlier, so there was little for the teachers to do. According to some friends, however, some students were still being assigned homework. When reminded that this was against school policy, the teachers responded in such a way that said, “Against school policy or not, this is part of your grade.” I imagined this being said in a very sadistic way. Lindsey McColough was in my English class, and apparently the two of us had been fairly close in that class. This was seventh period, so there was only one more period before the end of the year. Lindsey only had lunch after this, and asked if I had anything to do in such a way that it sounded as if she wanted to hang out. Even within the dream this was very strange to me: Lindsey and I talked and joked in class, but hadn’t hung out in years. I told her that I had math. At this point, I remember having done fairly well in the beginning of the class, but following my usual pattern, and seeing my grade drop gradually throughout the term. I also remembered it being in a very strange position in the school, and had to wander around to find the classroom, even though I had been taking the class in the same classroom the whole term (since this is high school, but very much like my experience with college, I don’t know if it was the full year or for a semester). Wandering through the hallways, which had gray carpeting, and grey walls made of that stuff they use in office cubicles that’s gray and cloth-y, so you can tack stuff up to it. Several of the rooms were private offices for professors, and these had glass windows in them facing the hallway. When I finally happened upon my classroom, I was surprised to fine that it was actually several rows of mismatched chairs and desks on the side of a particularly with part of the hallway. Imagine that the hallway, if fairly narrow, but not uncomfortable, and that the wall on one side, angles outward at 45 degrees, bends back in a line parallel to its original course, then turns again to meet its original course several feet further on, so that there is a classroom-sized depression. On either of the angling walls, are windows and doors which lead into classrooms. In class, the teacher is calling students up and giving them their final grade. When I am called up, I find that my grade is a ‘C’. I am devastated. My GPA (here, my current college GPA) is going to be permanently ruined, even with A’s in my two other courses. I then noticed that all of my grades for the entire semester were listed. On the tests during the term, I had gotten mostly ‘A’’s, but on my final exam I had done very poorly (something like 60 out of 150 points). This astonished me, as I thought I had known the material much better. I then saw that my average had been calculated after each assignment, and that even though my grades dropped throughout the term, my cumulative average until the final had been an ‘A’. Well, I was ruined. On my way out, I saw Lindsey again, and stopped to have an awkward moment with her. Considering her odd display of friendship earlier, I wanted to ask her to hang out after school that day, but she seemed mostly like she didn’t want to wait to give me the chance. As I was trying to figure out how to ask her so that it didn’t seem like a sixth-grade “Hey, let’s be buddies” and would seem more like a college-aged “Let’s go do this together” (you figure out the difference; I couldn’t in my dream, but I knew it to be important), I think I sort of raised my arms unconsciously into a position that would indicate a hug. At this point, Lindsey just got the idea that I wanted more friendship than she really did, and she said goodbye and ran off. Around this is when I drifted into awake-mode and started thinking about my current GPA. previous week – top – dream log home – discuss – next week |
All original material © 2003 Erika Salomon.
